12 Most Practical Strategies to Beat Stress at Work

Taking a chill at work to reduce stress is challenging, as we all juggle the work-life merge. You have to make the time to do it, in the way that works for you. It’s highly unlikely your boss will “Om” you into a relaxed state, even though it might drive the innovation to create the next “Google.”

As I tell the executives I work with, there’s no quick fix to beat stress. Creating a stress-busting routine is more of an individual journey, than a destination. Think of your workday as a lab and try different experiments to consume the chaos.

To get a handle on stress, it helps to build up an arsenal of tools so you can harness a little “inner chill” when you need it most.

1. Take a few deep breaths

It’s not about a quick breath to calm you down, it’s about the science of the breath. Take deep breaths throughout the day, in through the nose, and out through the mouth. Breathing into the nostrils, stimulates the pre-frontal cortex of the brain. It triggers the release of stress-reducing hormones such as dopamine and serotonin.

2. Take a break from office gossip

Avoid the water cooler gossip factory. It’s important to cultivate healthy relationships at work, but diving into the trashing and bashing of fellow colleagues, managers and office politics just feeds negativity, is a time waster and induces stress.

3. Recharge with physical activity

Create healthy habits of exercise. Even just a walk outside around your building or some seated yoga postures are beneficial. Try to schedule a half hour of white space in your calendar twice a week, to take a movement break. Getting the blood and lymph flowing in the body is good for the immune system and reduces stress.

4. Modify your environment

Change your working conditions. Work from a conference room, head outside for a bit, or telecommute for a day. It gets your brain thinking differently. What can you put on your desk to generate positive thoughts? Try a family picture, small statue, knickknack, or just a post-it note with an inspirational phrase or word.

5. Focus on the positive by journaling

Try journaling once a week at a scheduled time. Reflect on some of the better moments at work or in your career. Even if you don’t like your job, write a list of the good points associated with your position. Note how new friends, clients or colleagues, are enhancing your working experience.

6. Cultivate a contemplative practice

We’re on overdrive. But you can slow things down by taking time to read some inspirational material in the middle of your work day. For some, reading prayers, meditative passages, or philosophy calms the mind and soul. Others prefer the repetition of positive affirmations or spiritual mantras.

7. Get a handle on your info-intake

Sensory overload triggers stress and creates distractions. Limit checking and responding to e-mails that don’t need immediate attention. Inform clients and colleagues of your patterns. Create your own plan of monitoring news and blog feeds, aggregating information, and scheduling the timing of your intake.

8. Create some work-life flexibility

How you determine your work-life flexibility strategy is an individual journey. Check out flexible workplace policies at your company. To make it work, it might mean having a conversation with your manager or human resources. Be ready with suggestions for your unique situation that will mutually benefit you and your employer.

9. Focus on meaningful communication

Poor communication creates frustration, can result in inefficient interactions and can lead to stress. Strive for the 3 C’s: Co-creation of a Conscious Conversation. The trick is to be more mindful of how and when you communicate with colleagues or clients, and being aware of the goal for the communication.

10. Do a time management check

Sometimes we unintentionally clutter the playing field of the mind with confusion, rather than taking the time to prioritize and get organized. How we manage our time is a huge part of the puzzle to reduce stress. Keep a log of how you’re spending your time daily and monitor it weekly. Assess, then adjust, on a regular basis. Identify the unproductive demands on your time.

11.Take in visual soul food

Check out screen savers and apps that offer visual meditative exercises. What we watch impacts our brain and can either hype us up — or calm us down. Surf the web or YouTube for comforting videos. Nature or animal videos are easily found on the web, and are generally relaxing to watch.

12. Listen to relaxing music

Classical music might not be for everyone but studies show that it has a relaxing effect on brain waves. Generally, in a busy work atmosphere, the brain is in a beta state which tends to be frenetic. Relaxing music induces an alpha state which reduces stress.

12 Most Sharp Reasons Your Audience is the Key to Your Future

Every speech is an opportunity to advance your career in some manner. Be that your reputation, your status in certain people’s eyes or your ability to have people accept your recommendations.

Next time you are feeling a bit lazy about creating and rehearsing a presentation, think about what your audience could or could not do for you depending on your performance.

1. They could hire you

Someone in your audience may be in a position to hire you — either now or in the future. You never know, so always make a good impression.

2. They could recommend you

Someone will probably be asked about your talk. You want people to praise your content and its relevance to them as well as your enthusiastic, engaging delivery.

3. They may need your information

Some need to know your content and are counting on you to help them understand it well enough to use it or share it with others. You want them to feel able to explain the key points of most relevance to them.

4. They could sabotage your presentation

Keep up your reputation. Prepare so no one will try to come after you and show that you aren’t really that knowledgeable on the topic.

5. They could ask relevant questions that show you know what you are talking about

When people are learning and enjoying the experience, they are more motivated to ask relevant questions rather than aggressive, difficult ones.

6. They could ask a question that helps you in your work

Once in a while someone will ask a question that gives you a new insight into a challenge, product, or service you are presenting. You’ll get some valuable information for the future direction of your work.

7. They could provide career opportunities

When you do well in a presentation, your boss is more likely to give you additional opportunities to speak. You’re more likely to stand out as promotion material and be included in the succession plan.

8. They could refer you to someone who can add even more value to your topic

Someone may say to you, “I believe you would really enjoy talking to this person about this area. Here’s her name and email. Tell her I suggested the two of you connect.”

9. They could suggest other opportunities to speak

Someone may come up after your presentation and say, “I think so and so’s group should hear this information. I will have the vice-president of that group contact you.”

10. They could help you reach your objective

Is the objective of your presentation to drive action? Your audience members may be decision makers or approvers — the people who can turn your recommendations into reality. Help them want to be on your side and support you.

11. They could get really excited and feel part of a team

If your objective is team building, you want to engage and motivate your audience to work towards certain key objectives. Teambuilding might translate into the project getting done ahead of schedule.

12. They could buy your service or product

You participants may be in a place to say “yes” to a purchase. If not, they are certainly all in a place to tell someone else about your service. Make it easy for them to want to connect you to a potential buyer.

12 Most Pointedly, Pivotal Blogs about Presentations and Speaking

Does the thought of giving a speech fill you with dread, anxiety or even horror? You are not alone! Even the most seasoned speaker feels the butterflies and the lump in their throat before giving a pivotal presentation. We all want to excel and share our message with an audience.

Luckily, there is a wealth of great advice on presentations and speaking to help you prepare for your BIG speech. My passion and goal in life is to help speakers speak up and build relationships with their audience. Here are 12 of my favorite presentation and speaking blogs that I read when I am not perusing the pages of 12 Most. (click the name of the blog for a link)

1. 6 Minutes by Andrew Dlugan

This blog has a wealth of information on almost any speaking subject imaginable from how to present data to a guide to your first 10 speeches at Toastmasters.

2. Duarte blog by Nancy Duarte

This is the blog of the author of Slide:ology. There are great tips and tricks for designing visually stunning presentations.

3. Speak Schmeak by Lisa Braithwaite

If you are looking for examples and lesson learned from real life speaking experiences, then look no further than Speak Schmeak.

4. Speak & Deliver by Rick Hopkins

Rich’s blog is written for speakers who are just starting out to those who are advanced in their speaking career. He encourages all of us to speak and deliver.

5. The Eloquent Women by Denise Graveline

An excellent resource that analyzes the challenges and gives tips aimed at women speakers.

6. Craig Valentine’s Blog

What I love most about Craig’s blog is that he shows either through video or audio how he implemented his own speaking advice.

7. TED Talks

Looking for inspiring talks with clear messages and great delivery? Look no further then TED Talks. One of my favorites is Brene Brown’s talk on the power of vulnerability.

8. Communication Studies

A great resource for students studying communication and wondering what to do with their degrees.

9. VoicePro blog

What communication and speaking lessons can we learn from popular culture and current events? Many! VoicePro delivers speaking advice with wit and fun.

10. Ovation Communication blog

Seamless blending teachings from the theater and etiquette for an impactful blog about all things speaking and communication.

11. HugSpeak by Lauren Hug

Lawyer by day and high school speech coach by night, Lauren blends what she has learned from law and coaching into compelling presentation and personal branding advice.

12. Book More Business by Lois Creamer

Professional speaker or aspiring to go pro? Lois’s blog is a must read for speakers who want to make a living from speaking.

Giving that big presentation doesn’t have to be scary. There is a plethora of advice for delivering your message in a compelling and impactful way.

What are some of your favorite presentation and speaking blogs? I am always looking for new reads!

12 Most Dangerous Meetings: Career Caution!

Meetings are a fact of life in organizations of all sizes. Lately I’ve been to one too many of a meeting about a meeting. Why must we waste time in this way!? I often wonder how we actually get any work done. The ideal meeting has an agenda, is run by a person either trained in facilitation or a leader of some flavor, is held in a work space with steady-state temperature, and is populated by people committed to solving a problem or advancing the company’s goals.

REALITY CHECK. Bet you haven’t been to a meeting like that lately, have you? I bet you’ve been to meetings about having other meetings. Meetings in rooms where the temperature ranges from 55 to 89 in two minutes flat and at least one person is menopausal or depressed. Meetings where people are answering their phones, texting, whispering, coughing with their mouths open. You know these kinds of meetings. Wink.

In real life, most meetings are ineffectual, sometimes even a disaster. Handle yourself wrong, come in unprepared, and that meeting could be career-limiting.

Here are 12 common types of meetings you’ll encounter in the workplace – and how to behave in such a way that the next meeting is not your last. Trust me, I’ve been there.

1. The Staff Meeting

A well-run staff meeting can rally the troops, provide useful information to all employees simultaneously and provide people with a view into where the company is going, why, and why their efforts are important. Sadly most staff meetings are poorly organized, put together at the last minute and attended by surly and aggrieved co-workers. Survive the staff meeting by being attentive, taking notes, commenting with positive ideas (hold those negative thoughts for a private follow up) and practicing active listening. Tip: leave the cell phone at your desk. Nothing is more annoying than people who take calls or text madly throughout a meeting. The truth: poorly-run staff meetings are soul-destroying. Warn others.

2. The Project Update Meeting

You’re part of a project team. Half the people are in other locations. You’re using a bridge line and conference phone, which of course has latency issues or faulty noise reduction software, so you can’t hear when someone starts talking over another person. Bonus round: only a third of the people have completed their assignments. Get through this meeting by jotting down notes of what you need to say, not talking over or interrupting others, sitting near the phone, and – it almost goes without saying – doing your work before the meeting.

3. The One-on-One

Know that this is a test, and be prepared. If your boss asks for a one-on-one, make sure you know the topic in advance, and prepare. The one-on-one is always about how you’re doing – or not doing. Never make excuses, don’t apologize and don’t argue – be prepared, have a script, know your stuff. It’s the most lethal meeting type, so be on your toes. If you’re called in to a one-on-one with HR, you might want to start working on your resume.

4. The Client Visit

Not all clients are nice people. Some are sadists. Some visit to check up on you. Some want to get out of their offices for a day. Some like to watch your team twist. Some want to see if your offices are real, state-of-the-art and clean. Probably less than half of client visits actually accomplish anything. Have a written agenda; have drinks and some light food; make sure the whiteboards are clean; have a facilitator to make sure you go through the entire agenda. Make sure someone takes notes, summarizes action items and sends them to all participants. Follow up on all action items. Treat your client like a guest, not a pal, not an enemy, but don’t put up with any crap, either. You’re in a business relationship, so act that way. Even if the client is a jerk.

5. The Project Kickoff Meeting

It’s always high-stakes in a project kickoff meeting. It’s where goals are set, pecking order is established, deliverable's and dates are agreed on. Run through goals with your manager first. Know why you’re at the meeting and what’s expected of you. Agree in advance on three things you need to accomplish, and get them done. Take notes and report back – and include personality sketches, and your assessment of who’s really in it to get things done. Remember it’s a project, not the rest of your life. You can do this.

6. The Team Meeting

Regular team meetings are essential in many organizations, but they can be fraught with danger. Not all teams get along. Some people may be disorganized or have negative attitudes. Go in acting like a leader. Make people accountable. Have your own assignments complete. And use each team meeting as an opportunity to build consensus and team spirit – don’t act like a cheerleader, but a leader. Stuck with a dysfunctional team? Well, aren’t we all at some point?

7. The Off-Site Meeting

Beloved of managers who think going to a hotel or conference center in the middle of nowhere will invigorate the troops and get things back on track. Games may be involved, or consultants doing Meyers-Briggs and other party tricks. IRL, this is bad strategy and almost never results in team building. Expect lots of eye-rolling and borderline disruptive behavior. Don’t plan off-sites unless you have a goal and a really good reason. Never think of these meetings as a ‘reward’ – they are to be survived. Don’t kid yourself that they’re fun.

8. The Performance Review Meeting

Some managers do quarterly reviews, some annual. Either way this can be the most dangerous meeting of all. A good manager will never surprise you in a performance review, but good managers are few and far between. So prepare by reviewing at your objectives, re-reading your last review, and coming prepared with a document that lists all your achievements against objectives, as well as areas where you went above and beyond expectations. Expect a few surprises and be prepared to hear hard things – some manager think it’s bad form to give an all-positive review. Be strong, and keep you emotions in check. Don’t argue – note where what you hear diverges from your reality, and ask to review those sections. Be dispassionate, not defensive.

9. The Budget Review Meeting

Another essential meeting, and one which should go smoothly if you’re prepared. If it’s an internal meeting, have your numbers crunched in advance. Ask for what you need but don’t pad too much. If it’s a budget review with a client, be realistic. Look at what you really need for budget to service the client properly, have your rationale, and ask for an appropriate budget. Don’t be defensive or uncertain. If you can’t add, bring a calculator or a colleague who didn’t flunk math three times.

10. The (Insert Year) Planning Meeting

Yes, you really do need to do an annual plan, even though chances are things will change. This is the meeting where you should bring your vision for what should be, strategies that will support the vision and tactics that will get you there. If there isn’t an agenda available in advance, bring a straw-man. And have last year’s plan as reference. Gosh – remember when companies did five year plans? At least those days are over.

11. The Industry Conference

If you’re sent to a conference or trade show, you’ve been sent to a meeting, just with another set of people. Behave well. Don’t get drunk and throw up on an industry analyst’s shoes. Know the company messaging. Know the competitors. Don’t tick off a potential customer, and don’t eye the gal or guy at the next booth. Especially in Vegas.

12. Any Company Party

Yet another dangerous meeting. The goal here should be to do no damage to your reputation. Dress appropriately, don’t get outrageously drunk, and say thank you. Remember management thinks these parties are a good thing, and they also think you should enjoy them and be grateful. Don’t smirk or scowl. Try to get into the spirit of the thing. If you bring your spouse or partner, remind him or her not to say snide things to the boss’s partner. Smile. It won’t kill you, and you might actually enjoy yourself. It could happen.
 

12 Most Successful Tips for Working At Home

For many, it’s impossible. “How could I ever work successfully at home?”

I’ve never had a full time office job. I’ve worked exclusively at home for the past seven years and love it. Here’s how you can do it too.

1. Define the why

I’ll work from home while I’m raising my child. I’ll work from home to start my own business. I write so I don’t need to go to an office.

What’s your reason for making this choice? Be specific. Why do you want to work from home? That’s the first question you should ask, but there are others: Why will you enjoy working from home? What will you get out of the experience? Why will you succeed working from home?

2. Remember it’s work

Most people have a natural division of work life and home life. Each life has their own location and their own hours. When you work from home that line is blurred. You have to make your own division.

Start work at a specific time and designate a specific place in your home as a work only space. You can even go so far as to create an actual line on the floor. When you step over the line, you are in work mode.

3. Create a routine

A day at work often starts exactly the same way. Coat off, computer on, cup of coffee. There’s a routine that begins the work day. One way to establish a work/home life division is to create a routine that begins your day. Set three actions that put you in the right frame of mind to move from home to work.

4. Those pj’s have to go

One action that will help divide work from home life is to change clothes. You don’t have to wear a suit and tie — think “Casual Friday” attire. Loungewear isn’t designed for working. It’s designed, well, for lounging.

5. Break the rules

Establishing a work life at home does not mean you have to copy the office from beginning to end. You don’t have to work nine-to-five every day. You don’t have to work for eight hours in a row. You don’t have to take an hour lunch because that’s how it’s done at the office. I get up at 6:30 and the bulk of my work is done by noon. Some people thrive late at night. Some thrive doing their work in small chunks. Find out when and how you work best.

6. Make the time sacred

When you’re breaking the rules, there is only one thing to remember: make your time sacred. It doesn’t matter if you work one hour a day or seventeen, so long as you value your time. Make work important to you and it’ll get done. This mindset more than anything will help you succeed when working from home.

7. Set boundaries

Treat your work time as sacred and make sure those around you do the same. Sometimes people find out you’re working from home and they don’t hear the word “working,” they only hear “home.” They assume that if you’re home, it’s OK to bother you.

Be clear with friends and family — set hours where they can’t visit or call. You also have to set boundaries with yourself — those who work from home can burn out easily. They work long into the night or on weekends because there’s no official beginning or ending.

Define the time that work ends. Do the same for days off. Set them in stone and stick to them. You’ll be more productive in the long run.

8. Define your distractions

It’s one thing to say “my time is sacred,” it’s another thing to follow through. Distractions are plentiful in the home office. One way to succeed is to define your distractions. Everyone has their Achilles’ heel. Know what’s going to pull you away from your work: Is it people? Is it games and puzzles? Is it TV? Is it being in a messy house? Define your distractions and then take steps to get rid of them.

9. Take breaks

Some who work from home become easily distracted because they haven’t figured out their most effective work pattern. They try to work for eight hours in a row and their brain rebels.

The truth is the normal work day may be eight hours, but few people actually work for that length of time. There are many breaks built into the office day — don’t beat yourself up for not working eight hours straight. Nobody does.

Take a coffee break. Make sure you leave your space for lunch. End your day at a reasonable hour.

Breaks are important for productivity. They recharge the brain.

10. Find your motivation

Working from home means there’s no boss standing over you tapping their watch to make sure you meet a deadline. You have to be self-motivated and your own task master. Not everyone enjoys motivating themselves — they like having someone else crack the whip. If you’re that kind of person, working from home won’t be ideal.

11. Find your focus

Do you work best when you listen to music? Do you need white noise? Silence?

Everyone works differently and you may need to experiment to find your optimal focus environment. When you’re focused you’ll get more done.

12. Like being alone

It can be lonely working from home. It’s just you and the work — all day long.

For some, the appeal of the workplace can be spending time with your coworkers. There’s someone there to talk to, joke with, blow off steam with. Make sure you enjoy working in solitude.

Before You Quit Your Job – Ask Yourself These 5 Things

It’s no mystery that most people are unsatisfied in their jobs. Statistics show that more than 70% of the U.S. workforce is unhappy with their current jobs.
Why is this happening in this great and free country? Don’t we ALL have more resources and opportunity than any other place on Earth? If so, why are we all sitting around complaining about our miserable jobs? There are many answers to this question of course, but I think that the most pressing ones are:
• We have allowed ourselves to become dependent on easy money. What I mean by easy money is that our society tells us that it’s okay to push papers around our desks for 8 hours a day and collect a paycheck for it.

• We are becoming more aware by the day to the fact that there is unlimited opportunity to create the life we want and justly deserve. The “passion” movement, which states that we are able to earn a living following our passions and doing what we love is becoming a common theme. More and more people are starting to believe that there is more to life than wasting away in a job they hate.
One problem is that most of us are not rewarded for outstanding productivity, but rather on the hours we log. It’s a completely flawed system that breeds laziness, inaction, manipulation, and greed.
We are not taught to pursue our dreams but instead we are told that we need to be realistic. We are raised to follow a set of preordained guidelines that lead to a life of mediocraty, not excellence. It simply does not make any sense.
If you want to quit your job, and Lord knows most of us do, then you really need to ask yourself these questions. The key here is being honest with yourself. Failing to answer these questions completely honestly may result in putting yourself in a worse position.
Ask yourself these 5 questions:
1. Why do I want to quit? This sound simple, yet most of us don’t know the real reason why we feel the need to quit. Maybe we are just bored and the answer is working on a different project. Maybe we hate a specific coworker and if they left, we would be fine. And maybe we are just stuck in a rut and all we need is some valuable time away to clear our heads.
Most of you can make yourselves be happy at work by staying positive, doing a great job, and rising up the corporate ladder. But some of you can’t. Some of you know deep down that your job is wrong for you.
If the job is truly something that is wrong for you and/or goes against your morals, then you may have a valid reason. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m all for pursuing your passion in place of staying at a dreadfully boring job, but don’t jump ship at the first sign of discontentment.
2. What do I want to do instead? Do you want another job? Will you be happy doing something similar? Is your current field challenging and/or stimulating. Are you actually interested in your current line of work?
Do not make the mistake of quitting your job because you simply cannot handle it any longer only to find yourself scrambling to find any job because you’re running out of money. Chances are, you’ll end up right back where you started. The only difference will be that you now work for a new company and have to start at the bottom of the rung again.
3. Can I afford to quit? If you don’t have another job lined up, you better know for certain that you can manage to pay your bills if you cannot find another job right away. This is the biggest reason that people don’t quit-they’re scared to death that they won’t be able to pay their bills. And while this is a very valid concern, it’s also a trap that can keep you stuck in a lifelong grind of misery.

Quitting a job, especially one you’ve had for a long time, is extremely scary. If you are uncertain about your ability to cover your living expenses, you have two choices:

1.    Craft a detailed cash flow worksheet and find out exactly how much money you have versus how much money you will need to cover your expenses based on being without a job. The general rule of thumb is to have 3-6 months of cash reserves in place.

2.    Hustle your butt off. If you absolutely cannot stand one more second at your soul sucking job and feel as though you must quit, then be prepared to hustle like you’ve never hustled before.
You will have to get creative with your finances for sure. Selling old stuff, doing odd jobs, creating a side business, and generally getting uncomfortable will all be part of the process if you choose option 2.

For many for you, the thought of all of that is too much to bear and will keep you in your jobs. For others, the risk of leaving a secure job in order to pursue something that means something to them will be tolerable and worth the risk.
4. Will I be happy working for someone else? Some of you are entrepreneurs trapped in a cubicle. Are you one of them? If so, you may never be happy working for the man. You need to be “the man”. Hopping from job to job thinking there’s something wrong with them is often the result of having the entrepreneurial mindset.
5. What don’t I like about my job? Write out a checklist of all the things you dislike about your current job. Is it the pay? Is it your arrogant boss? Is it the lack of flexibility? Make sure you know exactly what you don’t want in your next job and then spend as much time necessary finding a job that meets your criteria. Are you ever going to find the “perfect” job? Probably not, but you can find one that will keep you happy for a while.
And if you don’t go the job route, why not create a business that will allow you to enjoy the things you value most?
Taking the Plunge
There is no doubt about it that quitting your job is scary. The mere thought of it may have many of you shaking in your chairs. Much of the fear can be removed by answering the above questions and truly understanding what it is you want in a career and then carefully planning to go get it.

12 Most Productive Ways to Charm Difficult People

Theodore Roosevelt said “The single most important ingredient of success is knowing how to get along with people.” But he never met that annoying guy in accounting you have to deal with every week, did he? And he certainly didn’t have your in-laws…

Funny thing, it seems that even the folks we find particularly difficult to deal with have friends, spouses, and social lives. So it’s clear that someone is able to get along with them. Why not us?

By putting in just a little effort up-front, dealing with the difficult people in your life can become a lot easier. Here’s how:

1. Identify their difficult-ness

Just what is it about them that you find so “difficult?” Think back to the original situation when you officially classified them as such. Make sure that your assessment is the result of a pattern of demonstrated behavior, and not the result of a single interaction upon which you’ve been focusing. Once you’re sure there’s a pattern, come up with a few examples.

2. Think about their overall goals

They may be difficult, but they’re still human. They have goals and objectives, and in most cases “being difficult” is not one of them. Consider what overall goals are driving their “difficult” behavior. Is that guy in accounting who annoyingly nags you for additional receipts every single time just trying to drive you nuts, or does his pending promotion require that he collect flawlessly accurate documentation? Sometimes reflecting on the goals that affect a person’s “difficult” behavior can provide enough insight to make them tolerable.

3. Consider their possible fears

We all have fears, even if we don’t realize what they are. Some folks fear not getting work done on time. Others fear criticism. Or they are afraid they’ll be taken advantage of. These fears impact our behavior, even to the point of being perceived as “difficult” to some folks. If you consider that your “difficult” person actually has some fears that drive them, you might just see that person in a different light.

4. Observe their strengths

Perhaps the Office Assistant is “difficult” at times, but she’s a little easier to take when you realize that her natural affinity for details and organization actually makes your life easier in some ways. Or think about your “difficult” Team Leader whose confidence and assertiveness enables her to successfully negotiate a deadline extension on your behalf. What strengths does your “difficult” person bring to the table and how do those strengths provide value to the organization?

5. Look at the “flip side” of those strengths

Our strengths are positive, right? Most of the time they are, but sometimes they can be over used… and an overextended strength can be at the root of your “difficult” person. For example, self-confidence is a desirable strength. But when it’s overdone, we see that same person as cocky. To better understand your “difficult” person, assess what is annoying you and look for the strength behind it.

6. Determine how they judge others

How does your “difficult” person assess and judge others? Some folks judge others based on their ability to complete tasks. Others make judgments based on a person’s people skills. Or their problem-solving talents. Or how well a person can persuade and influence others. When someone makes judgments based on values completely different from yours, there’s more room for conflict — which is why you consider them “difficult”.

7. Figure out their motivators

As Dr. Phil might say, “What’s their currency?” Is maintaining a harmonious family top priority? Or are they mostly driven by career accomplishment? Does their competitiveness define them? Or is it most important to them that everyone just get along? Is what motivates them contributing to what you’re assessing as being difficult?

8. Note their reaction to stress

Apply enough stress, and you’ll see a person’s behaviors change. Consider if the “difficult” behaviors you’re seeing are a result of stressful situations. Someone who inspires enthusiasm in others may become glib or appear superficial when under a lot of stress. A supportive, dependable team player — when under stress turns detached, inflexible, even stubborn.

9. See their perspective

Perform all of the steps above, and you’ll likely have a pretty good idea of that “difficult” person’s perspective on the world. And seeing that perspective brings some a-ha moments. “Oh, that’s why he got so worked up when I didn’t reply immediately….” Now, that doesn’t mean that they aren’t still exhibiting difficult behaviors that you might need to address at some point, but you probably understand them better now.

10. Consider your own behaviors

Now that you’ve dissected the “difficult” person, you must consider your own behaviors and how that person likely perceives them. It’s never fun to think that we might be contributing to the problem, but you must take a look at the possibility that perhaps they see you as “difficult.”

11. Empathize

This step is easy if you’ve actually done each of the prior steps. Once you see things through another person’s perspective and understand their behaviors better, empathy seems to come more naturally.

12. Speak their “language”

Armed with new insights about your “difficult” person, adapt your communication approach to better match their perspective on the world. If they value accuracy and high-standards, responding to them from that view shows respect to their feelings. Making this effort can help you head-off conflict and avoid triggering the “difficult” behaviors they’ve demonstrated in the past.